Documenting Motherhood

I have realized that for the last 15 years I have not documented my life. I have been so busy with being a mother and getting everything done that I haven't taken the time (I honestly feel like I haven't had the time and have been running around like a crazy person for all that time). I realize that there are moments in my kids life or things they have done that I have simply forgotten. As Hamilton is now 15 and has just a couple years left living at home I thought that I should start so that one day when they are all gone I will remember being a mother.

Motherhood has been very difficult for me. I yell. I scream. I swear and sometimes I have not been the best example to my children. But I can  honestly say that I have given EVERYTHING that I have to my kids. I go to bed tired. I wake up tired. I put my children's needs always before my  own... and  maybe in hindsight that hasn't been the best choice. Much of the time I feel broken and maybe that is because I have neglected my owns needs to constantly meet the needs of my children. 

But... l wanted to document the craziness of our current life and so here it goes.

Lee is currently gone and has been gone for the last 3.5 months. He is in Texas and is in the Army. I am in St. George living and managing the kids. Right now all 3 children are in club soccer and our life is very busy. We have soccer almost every night. I try to make sure that scriptures get done nightly but we are not 100%. Sometimes those scriptures get done in the car. Sometimes it is just ready a letter from our missionaries (Max Merrell or Quincy Adams) but we are doing our best. 

Lately my biggest concern has been Hamilton. I felt very prompted when we lived in Pennsylvania that we needed to leave and head west for Hamilton's sake. Move somewhere where there were more LDS kids where he would feel like living the gospel was more normal and not weird like in PA. Somewhere he felt more included. I feel like the move to St. George was the right decision. Hamilton has made some friends and is involved and loving soccer. I hope that he makes the Dixie High School Soccer team because I think that it would be big confidence booster to him. I love him and feel bad that he struggles to have confidence in himself. As a mother I am trying hard to allow him to transition from a little boy to a man. He has a phone (with restrictions) is given more freedom to when he comes and goes and if he wants to go somewhere after school. I am also working with him in practices driving and was able to get him connected with refereeing and consequently the  opportunity to referee and make money.  I am also working on helping him to be more independent in reference to making his own breakfast. He thinks that I am being lazy and don't love him... but the truth is is that I am hoping to help him to be more independent and less dependent upon me. It is BECAUSE I love him that I am encouraging him to be more independent from mom. I am trying to help him become a man. 

Hamilton is a strong willed child but he will let me hug and love on him. He will sometimes listen to my advice. He will text me and frequently in text and words say, "I love you mom." He is very rough and unkind to his siblings, but I know deep down he is a good kid and will turn out just fine, he  just has to figure out who he is and once he figures that out I think he will "blossom like a rose."

Harrison is 11 (12 in 2 weeks) and is doing well. But Harrison always does well. He gets along well with others (except maybe Hennessey), is kind and is the peacemaker in the family. He struggles emotionally and of all the kids is having the hardest time with his dad gone. He is soft hearted. Harrison LOVES math and the way his brain works is amazing. He definitely thinks mathematically. He is also musical and decided at the beginning of the year to play the violin. Of all the kids he will sit at the piano and just play. Harrison also enjoys going to church and to young men's. He seems to be happy to serve (once you get him there). He recognizes the spirit and is spiritually pretty insightful.

Hennessey is a firecracker and is feisty (I guess she inherited that from her mom) at 9 she sometimes says swear words or things she shouldn't say, but she is quick to say she is sorry and to see when she has been unkind. She stands up for herself and doesn't let others boss her around. She LOVES doing projects and I am constantly cleaning up after her. I can see something Artistic in her future. Hennessey is exploring tumbling and is taking piano but has decided she hates piano and doesn't want to do it anymore.